I have asked for help more than most people. I’ve had to as a result of tragic circumstances in my life because of crisis situations. Receiving help doesn’t come easy for me. Here’s where I say “I’m a natural giver blah, blah, blah.” That’s BS. The truth is that for many years I simply didn’t believe I deserved your support. That combined with my distaste for the “damsel in distress” co-dependent, neediness persona that can infiltrate women’s lives made it harder for me to ask for help in the first place. It disempowers women and disempowers me by association. However, there is a way to ask for help in an empowered way. This much I know:
- Asking for help is necessary to live a productive life with less struggle and strife.
- Receiving support is healthy during a crisis and should be part of our regular life too.
- It is possible to remain confident while also being strong in vulnerability.
Asking for help doesn’t have to feel like you’re drowning or waiting for a knight in shining armor to save you. You can save yourself and the means to do that is to communicate clearly how you want to receive resources and support.
To all those who struggle with being vulnerable, ask for help. To those who have shared your stories with me over the decades, and especially to the beautiful woman who spoke to me recently of the shame she carries about her miscarriage and abusive relationship, I applaud your courage. After sharing a struggle, I often share some of my own, and then I tell how I asked for help. Hearing how I have asked for help changes things. People walk away feeling empowered to ask for help from friends and family to help get through a difficult time.
Asking for help is the quickest way to healing. Those who think they don’t deserve help create a more insidious leak of energy that feeds indecisiveness and limitation. This looks like self-doubt, and feels like an unfocused, foggy mind. It manifests as being overwhelmed and shuts us down even more to neighbors and friends.
Today, ask others to help you instead of trying to do it all yourself. Stop pretending to be superhuman.