Even after all these years I still trying to be a better forgiver.
Today in mass when we said the Apostles Creed, something I’ve recited for decades, what stood out for me was “I BELIEVE IN THE FORGIVENESS OF SINS.”
And there it was. I had to stop for a moment in my breath and check in with my heart and ask myself, do I really believe in the forgiveness of sins? And for whom? Just me? For some people? For everyone unconditionally?
You see I’ve been journaling a lot about the betrayals I’ve experienced in the last 4 years and actively practicing forgiveness because I’m convinced it will save my life. Otherwise, I’m afraid I will be tied down to other people’s actions and low vibrational karma. We all know we cannot control what other people do or don’t do. However, that doesn’t decrease the pain caused by lies, stealing and bullying. It still hurts.
I’ve done the shadow work of looking at my own actions and offering forgiveness to myself for allowing myself to be bullied. I am so committed to the practice of forgiveness it is part of my daily meditation. Today saying these words in a new church, in a new home, impacted me on a new level. If I really believe in the forgiveness of sins that must mean towards all those that have hurt me. I cannot make exceptions just because I’m still angry. And so I asked the divine to please help me forgive just as the divine forgives all of us.
“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
I am convinced this is the answer to stay strong in my power to love.
And I find solace in these words by Chani Nichols
“What we learn through fear is also held close for most of us. We don’t forget the feeling of being rejected, refused and misunderstood. We have to work hard at making peace with the fact that we live in the land of imperfect human behavior. Ours and others. To be alive is to walk around vulnerable to harm and to ecstasy.”
I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.