Oops I did it again!
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I owned this fancy dress for 4 years and was “saving it” until either the occasion felt good enough or I felt like I was good enough to wear it.
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It looked like the garden paintings by Claude Monet.
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Here’s what I’ve learned about this “delayed gratification” response… colonized mindset teaches us this is always a Good Thing.
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Colonizers consider it a skill along the lines of self-control, willpower, impulse control which are involved in self-regulation.
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For me as immigrant as part of my intersectional identities it’s a trauma response.
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Western psychology tells us our primary purpose for seeking rewards is pleasure. Pleasure motivates humans.
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Prolonged stress endurance constructs our perception of reward and reward value. As a result I can see when I am under long time stress I hold back rewards.
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But what I know is that this construct can be unlearned.
Conditions on rewards are not a recipe for happiness when it’s nonstop.
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I deserve to wear this dress with no conditions to be met.
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This is my 2021 Birthday Dress.
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And #FreeBritney
